Why??

I am having a REALLY hard time dealing with Ethan's death. I feel as though this is entire situation is a horrible nightmare and eventually I will wake up, or someone will call me back saying that it was all a cruel, cruel joke. I KNOW this is not the case. Becky and Jake are probably thinking the same thoughts, that this is a horrible dream and he will pop out from somewhere and yell "BOO!" However, reality is slowly setting in for all involved, and reality is he is not coming back. Yesterday was a rough day. I cleaned off the end table and found and found a thank you note from him. I emptied the dishwasher and found a plate that he had sent Zack (Gators!). I went upstairs to put some laundry away, and found pictures of him and Becky. I cannot imagine being in Becky and Jake's shoes, really I can't. It is every parents worst nightmare and they are living it. I wish I could be in Florida right now, I wish I could do something to make it better. I know that I can't make it all better. I know nothing will bring Ethan back, I know nothing will change how heartbroken everyone feels. I know I am supposed to be a source of strength for my friends. However, I can't bring myself to even call them and see how they are holding up. The minute I hear either one of their voices, I am going to turn into a pile of mush and tears. I can barely talk to Joel about this, much less them. If I cant even make a simple phone call, how am I going to be a source of strength? I know the first time will be the worst and that every time it will get easier, I just don't see how. Please continue to pray for their family and friends as we all continue down this road of grief and healing.